So this could be a forever long post for sure. We have a lot going on at our house to keep our kids safe. But this post is going to focus on phones. Specifically iphones but if you have androids, know that those can be even easier to protect your kids on as they allow a service called Bark a lot of access to protect your kids and let you know what they are up to without them knowing.
Before you jump to installing Bark, please read this small but detailed list of suggested protections to put in place in your home and on your child’s device.
First, your phone will NEVER be in your room. I say never but obviously, if we aren’t home but want to be able to get a hold of them, they use it like a house phone and keep it with them. This is the only exception to the phone being upstairs. Otherwise, it will only be in public spaces. This is a rule based off our own parent’s rules that didn’t allow the house phone in our room. If you can’t talk in the public areas about whatever it is you are talking about, then you shouldn’t be talking about it.
Second, all phones will have family sharing on them. In your kids eyes, just let them know this allows you to pay for an app once and everyone to share it. In your eyes, know that you can set it up that even if they want a free app, they have to request the download from you. Apple will send the request to your phone so you don’t even have to be with the kids to allow the download. If I have time to research the app, I do, then I allow it. If I don’t, I either decline it or ignore the alert until later. Also with family sharing is Screen Time, you will have many options as to what to allow and what not to allow. The following are the settings you will find under screen time. You will be able to access and set them up their phones or from your phone. YouTube the set up if you are having problems, it will take a bit but once its set up, it’s done. We keep the Downtime on from bedtime until normal wake up time just in case someone thinks of sneaking downstairs and getting on their phones (my kids aren’t that sneaky but just in case). App Limits is good because you can keep any apps to a limit that you feel they might be spending too much time on. After implementing this on my kids phones, I did it on my own to limit my social media. Communication Limits, I don’t use this much yet but I could see it being very helpful for some parents. Always Allowed, I turned this on for apps I think they should never be restricted on like Maps, Music, Bible, and Camera. Content and Privacy Restrictions, this one is Major! Click it to show the green bar, this will turn them on and make you put in a code. DON’T FORGET THE CODE! But also don’t use the same code as the one you use to unlock your own phone, kids aren’t stupid. We use something Micheal and I both know but don’t use it on anything else. I turn on installing apps (because they have to request the app from me anyway) and I turn off deleting apps. I do this just in case they get an install around me, they won’t get the delete around me. Again, my kids probably wouldn’t try that but can’t be too careful. Kids are smart! Also under this one turn on always require password. Allowed apps, we turn off FaceTime. I can turn it on from my phone and it will allow them to use it should I think they actually need to use it but please don’t allow FaceTime. Kids do stupid things on it. I allow share my location because it allows me to track them using Life360 and FindMyFriends, I don’t allow passcode changes because I should always be able to get into their phones and don’t want them locking me out but also because they have forgotten codes before and its a pain to figure it all back out. Plus if a friend gets a hold of their phone, they can’t change their code for them without their knowledge, this also happens. Content Restrictions, just helps you keep some things limited like adult websites or even all websites except what you want them to have access to. We have done both, that is a parent decision and maybe even based on their age and how responsible they are.
Third, download Life30, it helps you track your kids and when they are old enough to drive you can pay to have it alert you when they are speeding, hard braking, etc. It even will alert you if they have an accident! We are still on the free version and love it!
Forth, BARK! Bark is an app that will keep your kids safe online no matter where they are. It monitors their phone and sends notifications only when sketchy activity pops up — things like depression, sexting, cyberbullying, and online predators. It also has a screen time function that could help you even more! I love that you can install it and the kids will have no idea. I like to think of Bark as my little spy. It doesn’t alert me to all of my kids choices because kids need room to mess up however it alerts me to the major scary things. The things that I don’t want my kids dealing with but they will at some point or another, when it happens (and it does happen) I can then have an open discussion with my child about it. I have already had some good discussions with our kids and they think I just happened to pick up their phone at the right time to see what it is that I saw. I never said that is what happened, they just think it because our charging station for their phones is in the kitchen. I know their codes and they have walked in to me snooping on their phone (also a rule we put in place, they know it will happen so don’t be surprised or try to tell me I am violating your privacy). I did it a ton before Bark, I don’t do it as often now, maybe once a week, because I have more security that Bark will tell me if something is wrong. Feel free to use our referral link below to download or learn more about Bark and its features. Oh did i mention it will monitor their school issued computers too?!
Fifth, don’t allow social media! This is a plea from someone who has worked with a lot of kids and seen a ton of problems linked to social media. Our oldest is 17 and still doesn’t have it. Does he want it? I don’t know anymore because when he was 15, we told him no and that it wasn’t up for discussion. He did for a short time find a work around to download snapchat, he doesn’t have it anymore and lost his phone for a long time after that. My youngest probably could use a facebook as his theater teachers post to groups on it all the time but I just look up the group, hand him my phone and say read all this so you know what’s happening. It’s not always convenient however I know it’s the right thing to do for my kid. Sometimes being a parent means making the hard decisions. What I love about the facebook group is I can tell I am not the only parent that doesn’t allow social media and the teachers always say at the beginning of the year that they agree with no social media and are totally ok with the parents being in the group and telling their kids the info. If he is at school, I screen shot the page and text it to him.
I hope this was helpful. I also hope that as a parent you can be encouraged that you aren’t the only one taking every step necessary to protect their kids. One last note, we heard one guy say he only ever allowed 3 apps on his kids phones at a time, if they wanted a new one, they had to choose what they wanted to delete and tell him how the new app improved their life. Does it make you a better person? A smarter person? Does it help you make the world a better place? I really wish I had heard this guy before we started with apps. It’s easier to lighten up as years go along than it is to get stricter. Start strict!!
